Is Pluto in your 4th house? Did you experience outbursts of verbal abuse at the hands of troubled parents? Maybe a parent used emotional manipulation to maintain control in the home?
Many articles on the topic will tell you that you’re destined to play out these same power struggles in your adult home.
How does that make you feel?
Guilty, ashamed? Not to mention, totally disempowered!
I’m going to help you tell a different story. A story of personal empowerment. Of how you used a simple shadow work exercise to break generational cycles.
Let’s change the narrative of Pluto in your fourth house.
“The dysfunction, bullying, and abuse didn’t start with you, but it most certainly can end with you.”
Dana Arcuri, Certified Trauma Recovery Coach
Pluto In The 4th House: The Unseen World
Now, the fourth house in astrology runs deep. It’s the lowest point in your birth chart, encompassing all that runs beneath the surface. Out of the public eye. The family home, your roots, ancestors, and your private inner world.
Pluto in this house is a difficult placement. In fact, it can be brutal. Some traumas should be worked through with a mental health professional. Somebody trained to deal with deep emotional and mental trauma. I won’t address these issues here, nor am I qualified to.
But repressed memories lie along a sliding scale, and some can be healed alone with tried and tested methods, like the shadow work exercise I’ll share with you today.
With Pluto in the 4th house, you’re asked to break generational cycles in this lifetime. Trauma surrounding family and the childhood home. Power struggles, emotional manipulation. Something that goes on in most families, but you likely experienced it to an extreme.
The Shadow-Self Is Unleashed
Memories and emotions from childhood were repressed in your shadow-self. Pushed down into the unconscious, where they run your life! We all have them hidden away. They’re the programs that cause us to react in a certain way when triggered.
To learn more about your shadow-self, you may wish to read my blog: ‘What Is the Shadow-Self?’ (Opens in a new tab).
There’s a popular saying that goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.” It’s true. And hurt parents unconsciously project inner pain onto their children, who unconsciously project onto their children. The cycles continue through the generations.
If you have children, you’ll agree they have a funny way of triggering you. And in a flash, it’s as though you’re possessed by one of your parents. Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Jeez, I sound just like my mother/ father!”?
It looks different for each of us but in the heat of the moment, we can become the controlling parent. Anger, sarcasm, stonewalling, criticism, impatience, and the list goes on. From a place of repressed pain an unconscious outburst is triggered. One that bears an uncanny resemblance to those of our parents, and their parents.
Here’s the good news: awareness is key! This is the beginning of the end of a cycle. And you can create the next cycle from a place of healing and consciousness. The dysfunction didn’t start with you, but it sure as heck ends with you!
Shadow Work Exercise: A Simple Tool with Prompts and Questions
I hope you now see; you’re not doomed to repeat painful cycles with your own children. It’s in fact the opposite! Choose empowerment, and you can change the destiny of your family line for generations to come. With Pluto in the 4th house, this is part of your destiny!
And here begins the Plutonian work. It isn’t easy, as we must do what most aren’t willing to do. From the darkness of our unconscious mind, we’ll bring the shadow self into the light. In the light of the conscious mind, we gain clarity and understanding. Deep-rooted programs lose their power over us, and this is where the magic happens!
In the following exercise, the relationship with your children will act as a mirror to your shadow self. It’ll reflect to you repressed memories from your own childhood that are otherwise difficult to grasp hold of.
These reflections can appear as automatic verbal reactions when your child triggers you. And trust me, those triggers will come!
When they do, don’t allow yourself to get stuck in a loop of self-hatred. See a glimmer of light as the shadow-self cracks through the veil for a split second! Grab onto it with both hands before it sinks back into the murky depths. Allow yourself to become conscious of it. Bring it into the light.
Here are my step-by-step instructions for the shadow work exercise.
Shadow Work Exercise: Step 1
First, find a quiet place where you won’t be distracted. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and try to answer the following questions honestly. Don’t think about them too long. We want raw emotion on that page; no fancy glazing or editing. Just write. You can always tear it up afterwards, but for now it’s time to get real.
1. What happened? What triggered you, and how did you react?
Write a quick summary of what just transpired. For example: my child asked a seemingly ‘silly’ question, and I belittled him with hurtful and sarcastic words. Or my child dropped her plate and I shouted at her in anger.
Shadow Work Exercise: Step 2
2. How did it make you feel?
How did you feel in the moment, and how do you feel now in retrospect. Did you feel in control or out of control? Maybe you have feelings of sadness, guilt, shame? When we react from a place of repressed pain, we’re in a disempowered state. Can you feel this?
Feel the emotions in your body as you replay what happened in your mind. They’re likely to feel intense but don’t hold it inside. If you feel sadness, it’s OK to cry. Anger? It’s OK to punch that pillow.
Repressed memories are charged with emotions you weren’t equipped to deal with as a child. It’s just energy. Feel it, and acknowledge it, let it flow through you. As the heavy energy starts to move imagine it draining into the earth below you.
Shadow Work Exercise Step 3
3. Do any memories come to mind from your own childhood? Take yourself into that memory. How do you wish your parent had reacted with you? How could they have reacted from a place of emotional stability?
You may start to recall a childhood memory where a parent reacted to you in a similar manner. Other memories may also reveal themselves to you. Do you recognize any patterns?
Power struggles and emotional manipulation aren’t usually a one-off occurrence. Whenever you made mistakes, did a parent showed disgust, or withdraw their love. Maybe they were impatient or emotionally absent when you needed their time.
It can feel like somewhat of a revelation when you start to see these repeating patterns. These are the very patterns we’re here to break.
Shadow Work Exercise: Step 4
4. With more conscious awareness, how will you react with your child next time you’re triggered?
Make a promise to yourself, your children, and your ancestors. Here and now, you can break this generational cycle!
How could you react to your child differently next time they trigger you? To help you answer this question, imagine your inner-child. You at the same age as your own child. Consider how your parents could have interacted differently with you at that age to make you feel safe, understood, and secure.
Shadow Work Exercise: Step 5 (With Example Answers)
You’ve reached the final step in the exercise. Let’s go over what you’ve achieved so far.
In step 1, you identified the trigger.
Then in step 2, you allowed yourself to feel the emotions fully. As the energy moved through you, you began to remember. In step 3, memories attached to the unresolved emotions revealed themselves to your conscious mind.
And from a place of wisdom and clarity you’re now able to reflect on how you could do things differently. Respond from a conscious vantage point, rather than react unconsciously.
Now we must replace the old unconscious programs with new behaviors.
It’s time to come up with a plan!
The questions below will help you structure it. I’ll add my own answers (in italics) to demonstrate how I create my own plans:
a. What is the future trigger likely to be? Base it on your recent experience.
The trigger is likely to arise when I perceive that my child doesn’t appreciate the time I spent cooking a meal. For example: they pull their face or refuse to eat what I’ve served.
b. When you feel the sudden surge of emotion rising to the surface, could you stop and breathe before reacting?
When I feel anger rising, I’ll recognize it and pause. Before I react, I’ll take some deep breaths and bring my awareness to the fact I’ve been triggered. I’ll move my awareness to my child. How are they feeling in this moment? Scared, powerless? Why do they feel the need to exert their autonomy? There’s more to this situation than my own emotions.
I won’t act from a place of anger. I’ll acknowledge the anger and let it flow through me before I move forward.
c. How will you replace unconscious reactions with more conscious responses?
I’ll seek to understand why my child is acting in this way by asking questions (without using emotional manipulation). In the past I’ve shown frustration in the way I ask questions. Interrogation rather than genuinely wanting to understand.
I’ll compose myself before speaking to my child. I’ll see myself in his eyes and feel compassion. This’ll help me to remember that my actions have repercussions. I can be the emotionally stable parent my child needs.
d. What could you say to your child to make them feel safe and loved?
“OK, I hear you. Thank you for telling me how you feel. This is the meal that I have prepared today, and I won’t be making anything else. But what could we do to make this meal more acceptable for you?”
Congratulations – You’re on The Way To Breaking Generational Cycles
You’ve made the unconscious shadow-self, conscious. Pulled potentially destructive tendencies from darkness into the light. You’ve taken your power back!
It won’t always be smooth sailing from here. It takes conscious effort to implement new behaviours. But you’re not on autopilot anymore. Each time gets easier. Feels more natural. You’ve embarked on a journey to break a cycle that’s plagued generations of your family lineage.
And when new triggers arise, great! Use this method of self-reflection as many times as you need. The more work you do, the closer you are to becoming the emotionally stable role model you so wished you’d had.
I recommend keeping records of your shadow work in a designated journal. I know, I get it. It feels very vulnerable when you first start writing. These parts of you have been hidden for a long time. But you’ll thank yourself when you occasionally look back over this work. When you recognise how far you’ve come. How you empowered yourself to evolve and be the change in your family you wanted to see.
Did you find this shadow work exercise helpful? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
Keep up the important work, beautiful soul. You’re making things right for your family line; past, present, and future.
When you rise from the ashes, we all rise together!
MORE FROM PLUTONIAN SOUL EVOLUTION
Do you feel called to break karmic cycles in this lifetime? You are a cycle-breaker, a change-maker, an alchemist!
We’re passionate about empowering awakened souls, like you, to embrace and interpret their Plutonian blueprint. Let the planets guide you into conscious action – break free from old karma and pave a new path toward your soul’s evolution.
If you enjoyed this content, you may also like to read the following blogs:
Where is Pluto In My Birth Chart: A How To Guide
Shadow Work Questions For Pluto In The 7th House People (Opens in new tab).
What Is The Shadow Self? (Opens in new tab)
Where’s Pluto? Find Out with This Simple Pluto Transits Calendar
11 Ways Pluto in Aquarius Will Change Our World
Disclaimer: The information shared in this post is not a substitute for professional help and advice.
